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- BAROQUE GAMES
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- SOME JOKES
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- What's the difference between a violin and a viola? There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching.
String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."
- How do you get a 'cellist to play fortissimo? Write "pp, espressivo"
How do you make a double bass sound in tune? Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.
A double bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of the local choral society's annual performance of Handel's Messiah. He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor. The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune?" The bass player replied with some surprise, "Why? Isn't it the same as last year?"
Lute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.
- Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? The bassoon burns longer.
What is a burning oboe good for? Setting a bassoon on fire.
What is the definition of a half step? Two oboes playing in unison.
What is the definition of a major second? Two baroque oboes playing in unison.
How do you get an oboist to play A flat? Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.
- How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? Have them miss every other note.
How can you make a trombone sound like a french horn? Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.